Day 11 - Interesting Discovery

So, I'm doing dishes. Doing dishes is now part of my precious thinking and dwelling time. Gone are the days when I can spend uninterrupted hours behind my computer. A little thing called life came up and bit me on the butt. It will happen to all of you eventually. Lucky bastards. Because the messy stuff that keeps us from writing, is the reason, it turns out, why we are writing.

I started writing for all the wrong reasons. I wanted money and fame and glory. I chose writing because I was good at it. But, guess what? After my first big spec sale, I hit the biggest depression of my life. I got everything I ever wanted. I was in the trades. People at my bank started giving me stuff for free. All my friends were green with envy. I picked up checks at restaurants and drank very expensive wine. So why was I so low that I could barely drag myself out of bed? Because, I had got what I wanted and it didn't fix a damn thing. It didn't fill me up. It didn't make me happy.

Now, years down the road. I've had my fair share of ups and downs. Nine out of the nineteen scripts I've written I've been paid for. If this project sells, then I'll be 50-50 - and that's actually pretty good. I once heard that 1 out of 5 projects sell - so, I've been lucky.

But, the reason why I'm still at it, ten years later, when a lot of my buddies from film school and beyond have fallen by the wayside is this: I discovered the real joy in writing.

It has nothing to do with what happens with the project when it's done. Sometimes they sell, sometimes they don't. Sometimes the project you least expected turns out to be one of your proudest achievements and others you were sure of turn out to be embarrassing. You have no control over any of it. So, focus on what you can control and let the rest go.

I can't tell you what makes it real and good for you. You're on your own journey. But, for me, I write because it stretches me. Because it gives me satisfaction, because when I'm cooking on a scene I'm connecting with something greater than myself (I do not take sole ownership of my inspiration).

Now, when I get a few hours to write, I focus. I have to. And there's never enough time, between my family, the housework, the shopping, friends, my golf addiction, the baby, the baby, the baby (if you have one you know the baby is time suckage on a new and improved scale) - there's just not enough hours in the day. Never. And there never will be again.

I laugh at all the time I used to waste. I appreciate all the time I don't waste now. I've become an efficient writing machine. I'm proud of that. But, what puts me in the chair now is a much better motivation. I'm participating in who I am. I am also providing for my family. I'm no longer trying to get rich and famous.

I get it now. And I feel full, happy and complete. I hope your writing brings you to where I'm at one day. It's a fun ride.

That said, I also hope that when I'm done with this project I can post about it selling for a ridiculous sum, take you through the rewriting process at the studio, right up to the premiere. I've grown, I haven't become Ghandi. Jeeze...