Rewriting: Growing From Writing and Writing From Growing

A Tale Of Writing Draft Two After You Really Liked Draft One

Here I am at the beginning of version two of my spec.  And already I look back at the first draft and think "How could I have ever thought that was the one?" 

And I was convinced.  Believe me.  Just look back a few posts on this blog.  I had given it my all and it was the best I could ever do.  If they wanted more from me than that - well, there was nothing more to give.

This is how you should feel at the end of a draft.  You've left it all on the page.  You couldn't possibly make it any better.

Then time passes.  You get notes.  Hopefully they speak to you.  Through the denial, through the pain,  through the anger, disappointment, insecurity and fear, hopefully there's something about these notes that make the smallest little voice inside say,  "I recognize that..."

You go far away and hopefully work on other things for a while until it's time to start again. 

And then you do.  And it's painful at first.  It's slow and you think, "I'm not smart enough.  I don't know how.  This is impossible.  It cannot be done." 

Until one little idea worms its way through all those roadblocks and embeds itself in your brain.  And you think, "Ooooooh.  What's that?  Interesting."  You follow this lead.  Maybe it's a scene or a fragment of  a scene.  Sometimes it can be as small as seeing how a character turns her head.  Perhaps it's a line of dialogue that sticks with you because you know the subtext and why it was said and what came just before.  These kernels span themselves out and gather other thoughts like an infectious web.

And the next thing you know you are asking yourself, "How could I have ever thought that first draft was the best draft of this story?"

Were you delusional?  (I often am - but that's beside the point.)  Were you wrong when you felt certain that you could do no better than the last draft?

The answer is no.  You did give it your all but  now you have more to give.  You can't get to the end journey without first walking down the path.  You've learned something in the process of the first draft and now you've grown as a writer and your writing has grown.   So get to it.

In the spec I started in July (yes July people - I've written two other projects in the meantime), I am delving much deeper than I ever have before.  I'm exposing more of my own fears and shadows.  It's exhilarating and terrifying.  My screenwriting craft is pretty darn sound at this point - but what needed to catch up to tell this particular story was my personal emotional growth and my ability to write about it. 

Go deeper is what the universe (well, my agent and managers - almost the same thing) were telling me.

I'm in so deep now I feel like I'm sucking quicksand through my nose.  But, one step at a time.  I'm excited to see where I come out.  But I can pretty much bet I'll be saying, "This is the one.  I couldn't possibly give it anymore.  I've left it all on the page this time."

Happy Writing.